It’s been awhile but I’m still here. I wish I could say I’ve been working on this amazing blog post and here it is. However that would be a lie. I did start an amazing blog post, one that hits to the heart of matters, but I have yet to finish it. It’s  just been sitting untouched for 2 months now, I’m not giving up on it though. I also have all these ideas for topics that pop into my head pretty much everyday but I have yet to write any of them.
I’ve been stopped by a few things, detours if you’d like to call them that. Life in general with work(I watch a 3 month old and a 1&1/2 year old) and 2 active school age kids is busy and I’m tired….but we all are. I could put laundry off a little, I need to prioritize, I could better manage my time, there’s a lot I could do to “make” time. I’ve come to realize though, two things have been the major factors stopping me from writing, from doing what God has called me to do. Myself and Satan.
As for stopping myself, it comes back to self doubt and faith. Even after the post about having faith to open the door and walk through, I’m still scared. I still second guess my writing. I still struggle with what if I’m not good enough(grammar and spelling are not my strong point and both are important factors in writing). What if no one thinks I should be writing. The list of ways I doubt myself and my abilities go on and on. I have let doubt deter me from writing when I have a small slot of time. I realized recently I have to remind myself of the same thing I tell my daughter when she’s struggling with an upcoming test, school project or even with her dancing(which she amazing at!). God has a purpose and a plan for you and He has equipped you to do what He has called you to do, you just have to try your best and let God do the rest. I also remind her she is work in progress and she just has to keep trying and trust that God will help her along the way if she seeks Him. I have to say, it’s a lot easier to tell her that than myself! I’m working on believing my own reminders though. Here’s a few scriptures I use to back this up and remind myself.
Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ
2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things, at all times, you may abound in every good work
Hebrews 13:21 (He will) equip you with every good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
Psalm 138:8 The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.
Now as for Satan. Want a sure fire way to make sure you’re on Satan’s radar….make a public declaration(blog post, Facebook announcement, tell your small group) that God has called you to do something AND you’re going to do it! Hello spiritual attack! It was nothing major happening but yet it’s been a dozen little things to try and stop me(and sadly I have let it but not anymore!). It was things like sickness being passed around our house Satan used. We’re a rather healthy family but for weeks in March both my kids and myself were sick. Wyatt got some virus and I caught that. Then a week later Selah starts getting sick and I figured she had the same thing Wyatt and I had just got over however, she complained of different symptoms. Long story short it wasn’t the same virus and I caught that one too. Satan got me out of my morning reading of the Bible with 3 weeks of sickness and that just makes you an easy target for him! Throw in the hubby being gone out of town on business when all this is happening, a very busy 1&1/2 year old I care for and you’ve got a recipe for an over exhausted spiritually attacked me! There were school struggles thrown in there, and a lot of everyday little things he used to attack me. Honestly even the doubting myself and my abilities falls under being attacked because Satan is the king of lies and deception, telling us we’re not good enough and can’t do something to discourage us from doing what we’re called to do. He didn’t attack with anything major. He was sneaky like that. If he had used something major he knew it would have instantly brought me to my knees before the thrown of God. With a virus here, a virus there, a little school struggles, a little work struggle thrown in, add some doubt, a dozen miscellaneous everyday problems, a little this and a little that, its a back door under the radar spiritual attack. Satan kept me so distracted with all the little stuff that I wasn’t spending quality time with God. Yes I prayed everyday, read a devotion with the kids most mornings but I was not spending time in God’s Word, seeking Him, sitting quietly with him, spending deep time in prayer with Him. Without this time with God I didn’t have the energy or inspiration to follow through on what God has called me to do. Satan was distracting me from what God has called me to do! I hadn’t realized all this was happening either. Ironically God used one of the things Satan meant for an attack to bring my attention back to where it needed to be. With the school struggles I mentioned earlier we had an IEP meeting coming up that I was stressed about. I decided a fast was in need before heading into this meeting as in previous years things had not always gone well and I needed God’s peace and presence before hand and during the meeting. Our meeting was the Friday after Easter so for 3 days before that I fasted and prayed. It was during this time that God opened my eyes to the spiritual attack I was under. I knew I was letting everyday things distract me from God but I hadn’t realized how much of it was an attack from Satan. I hadn’t felt the attack but during these 3 days I became keenly aware of not only the attack but, how I let my guard down. God reminded me that our battle is not against flesh and blood but of spiritual forces of evil and that I was not taking up His armor as He had instructed us to do. God showed me how I was trying to fight these everyday struggles at face value and not for what they really were, spiritual attacks from the enemy. I went back to one of my favorite parts of the Bible to help me.
Ephesians 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints
It’s not easy, it never will be when we’re following God. He doesn’t promise it will be easy, in fact He says just the opposite that we will have trouble(John 16:33). He also tells us in that same verse though to take heart because He has overcome the world. This morning God has overcome the worldly fast paced clock that demands our schedule and given me a quiet uninterrupted time to write this post. With that I’m reminded it is not just Satan who can use use the little things. For God it’s not always the big things, sometimes it’s the little things He uses too. He loves us not just with the big moments but with the everyday little moments he gives us. Maybe you like me, needed to be reminded that there is a spiritual war fare happening everyday and our everyday battles are not really against the flesh but against the spiritual realms. I pray God grants you the wisdom to see where you are being attacked and you find encouragement and determination for whatever it is God is calling you to do today, rather its big or little.  And a small request if you’re reading this, pray for me as I continue down this path God has called me to, obviously the devil doesn’t like it!